2019, the year for decisions.

After 2018, a year that really was a challenge from start to finish, 2019 is coming up with it’s own challenges. And they are not easy ones.

My partner, Sparlyn Reeves and I have been together for over 3 years. We met on Facebook an basically hit it off from day one. I was hesitant at the start once I received her friend request but was somehow satisfied that she was not another scammer when I recognized other mutual friends on her friend list. We started chatting on Messenger and chatted for about a week just generally getting to know each other. One day, after about 3 months, I made contact with her again and set up a date. We agreed to meet up near where I lived. She would travel from a town not too far from where we were to meet.

I was going through my second divorce and was free to meet and go out with other women so I never felt guilty about what I was doing. While waiting for her, we continually chatted as we were somewhat excited to finally meet each other. Finally she called me from the parking lot telling me that she had arrived. I was sitting close to the parking area as I did not want to miss her arrival. I had surfed all her pictures on her Facebook profile but this could never have prepared me for the person I was about to meet. I searched the parking area for who I believed I was expecting to see. What I saw was a beautiful young woman standing talking on the phone. I dismissed this person as being her as I could not believe that she was there to meet me. Well dressed, hot body, and a poise that was stunning. In my stupidity, I killed the call that I was on and called her. The woman in the parking area lifted the phone to her ear and spoke, and at the same time I was listening to her one my phone. It was her, she was there to meet me. Was this all possible. In my confusion, I had cut the call to her only to phone her back. I can blame this on the 3 beers that I speedily drank in preparation for our meeting. LOL. We waved and she came to my table and we introduced ourselves. The rest, as they say, is history.

As mentioned before, we have been together for over 3 years. I don’t remember dates too well so an anniversary was always out of the question. During this period I learnt quite a bit about her. Her family history, her dreams, her likes and her dislikes. She was brought up in traditional African ways and cared for her man like it was what she was on earth to do. During this period the only thing I ever promised her was that I would improve her life. Everything that I did, I made sure it was an upgrade to what she had before. I always wanted her to be better than before.

You see, Sparlyn was half my age when I met her. At 26 years old, I could only expect that she had dreams of a family, a marriage and kids. And I was right. Having suffered through a very tormenting divorce, I was in no hurry to jump into that again. Off course we spoke of it but the was always a “but” in my voice as I hesitated making the final move to finish off our plans. I did not fancy running down this road for a 3rd time. It scared me. I think that we both realized this and soon we were talking about what our relationship would be like in the future. At first it was silly talk, teasing really but it eventually changed and I sat with her one night and told her that I would understand it if she wanted to move on, meet someone her age and start a life. One day on the way back from work, I said something and she started to cry. I had hurt her feelings about how I saw life. I think I said something stupid about why I never took her out or did not support her dancing. Something stupid that shattered her and climbed all the way up her spine. She turned to me and through her wet eyes said, “You talk so much about your life, how good it has been, can’t I go and build my own dreams, make my own mistakes and try and have memories like you have?” Those words shook me. Made me realize that in some selfish way, I was holding her back form having a life. I think on that night, I became determined to fulfill my promise to her. “I will improve you life”

In January 2019, we were chatting and she mentioned that she had met some people online in a chat group. They were all planning to get together in Amsterdam to finally meet each other. She was contemplating going across to the meeting. I sat long and hard and chewed on my words. For many days after her saying that, I realized that these plans did not include me. It would satisfy her plans to travel and see some part of the world. While thinking, my promise to her came back into my mind. I then suggested that she should go and stay there. She wanted change, I thought it was a good idea. So did she. Our company is based in Holland and I spoke with my MD to ensure him she wanted to do what she was about to do. I asked that she be helped with all documentation etc and he agreed. So, she is going.

Did I just shoot myself in the foot? Again? I love her, love the way that she cares for me. By fulfilling my promise to her, I have harmed my life. Made it that I live alone again at an age when I am not interested in chasing the comfort of a woman’s arms. Have I done the right thing?

2019, what else will you throw my way?

The Unplanned Future

In the beginning, God made heaven and earth. We are consequential to that arrangement. Or are we? Once we are born and lived a life through the various stages of growth and making all the normal human mistakes , learning all the human rules and regulations, our lives start taking some kind of direction either by plan or by consequence. I generalize now but let me concentrate on my life.

In my early 20’s I had it all worked out. Finish my compulsory National Service, get a good job, get married and have kids. The reason why I wanted kids at an early age was to have them grown and out the house so I could live a good married life at a young age. I wanted to be young with Grand kids visiting me on the farm and having the big Christmas meals around a table etc etc etc. But, how wrong I was. Perhaps even naive.

I did not listen to my parents when they said I should do this or that. I knew it all. I thought that I knew what I wanted in life and how to get it. How wrong I was.

It is important to add at this point that I grew up in Apartheid South Africa. Wikipedia refers to the Apartheid Era. An Era when the white minority shielded themselves behind their skin color in an attempt to protect their privileges from the black majority. It was not by choice that I was born in South Africa at this time, it was consequential. This is where my parents were born, met and had me. I had no say in that. South Africa lived in isolation with sanctions imposed by the rest of the world so as youngsters we knew nothing else. It was only when you grew up and left the house and started your life that you realized what the world was about.

South Africa eventually went through changes. The rest of the world put pressure on them to change and the white minority wanted to change. Two Referendums were held. The first one was to determine whether Nelson Mandela should be released from prison ad the second was to determine if the first democratic elections should take place. The outcome of these referendums is now history and the part of South African history that is easily forgotten. I will cover this chapter in more detail later. Right now I want to explain that this had a dramatic effect to me and my future. It helped change my career, lose a marriage and finally immigrate to a country that was not mine. Back then we looked at what was acceptable to humanity and the future of our country, we did not consider how it would impact on us as White South Africans. Regardless of the outcome we wanted peace and we wanted to share democracy. The rest is, how they say, “History”

Regardless, I ploughed forward with my life. Got married, had the kids, worked hard and before I could realize it, I was living in a strange country, divorced twice and now, at 56, single again. This is how well I unplanned my future.